Three Dads and a Baby

December 1, 2020
A "throuple" embarks on the joys and pains of parenting. In 2003, Jenkins, a Boston physician, fell in love with Harvard medical student Alan, and the couple soon relocated to San Diego. Years later, Jeremy, a zookeeper and a conservative pastor's son who had just come out to his parents, entered the picture, and they formed a polyamorous triad. As they evolved further, the author describes their modern family as incomplete, and the discussion of children became commonplace. After months of careful consideration, deliberation, and planning, the three men set out on a journey to become poly parents and birth a child through surrogacy, which, as Jenkins notes, attaches its own set of complex challenges. The narrative voice oscillates between serious and humorous, as the author shows how their experience--though ultimately successful--was riddled with problems and stumbling blocks. The in-vitro fertilization procedure took several attempts, their physician became problematic, they had to deal with the threat of the Zika virus alongside domestic complications, and they engaged in epic battles with both doctors and lawyers. "Surrogacy comes with wallet-crushing expenses," writes Jenkins. "The most painful costs are the ones that don't even directly contribute to the baby making--like our legal expenses, which seemed almost unreal. We sometimes wondered if IVF doctors cared about their patients' expenses at all, or if they just wanted to hear that their asses were covered for any upcoming medical procedures." Throughout the book, the trio's love and respect for each other are evident, and Jenkins makes it clear that their journey was not embarked upon lightly. The author wisely includes the perspectives of his partners, as well, creating a unique family portrait. Their two children became the first to have birth certificates recognizing the legal parenthood of the three fathers. An amiably narrated LGBTQ+ odyssey through equitable polyamory and nontraditional child rearing.

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November 1, 2020
Three gay partners, a "throuple," decide to become "poly parents" (as in polyamorous). This memoir, humorously told by a physician member of the throuple, recounts their lives before, during, and after the arrival of their first in-vitro-fertilization baby, a daughter, and their second, a son. Alan, a psychiatrist, and Ian, the author, spend eight years together before they meet Jeremy, a zookeeper, through online dating. Alan's friend, Delilah, a pharmaceutical developer, serves as the surrogate for the first baby; a woman they found through an agency does the honors for the second. A friend provides the eggs; Jeremy fathers their daughter and Alan fathers their son. The author notes that monogamy isn't the norm everywhere, details the expenses of the procedures, and recounts the throuple's triumph over daunting obstacles to become the world's first poly family to be recognized on a birth certificate as legal parents. Their daughter tells a preschool classmate, "You have two parents. I have three parents." Small wonder that the author touchingly notes that kids can "make your heart swell with love until you think it will explode."

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